Could someone give Michael Bay a dictionary and show him what the word 'subtle' means? I'm not sure he knows, as this 'in-your-face' sequel to the 2007 sequel proves.
Those pesky Deceptacons are back and they still want to rule the Earth, this time by using a device that blocks out the sun, but the Autobots aren't going to let that happen, and neither is Sam (Shia LaBeouf) who has symbols flashing in his mind after touching a sliver of the box from the original film.
Really, does it matter what the story is? This is a long (very long) explosion where anything and everything blows up. We do get moments of silence but they are very few and far between. Instead we get houses, bridges, even pyramids being destroyed by the giant robots or the army. The final 45 minutes are the worse, as it is one long battle scene that goes on and on and on.
The humans seem to be there because they have to be. LaBeouf returns as geek Sam, with a constant worried look on his face (apart from the scene in college where he goes nuts). Megan Fox, voted one of the most beautiful women in the world, also returns and only seems to be there for the teenage boys to dribble over. There she is in shorts straddling a motorbike. Now she is leather all-in-one, and here she is running away from explosions wearing a top with very little support. In the 30s this would have been considered soft porn. Only John Turturro comes out with any real dignity but even then it is little.
The trouble is that Michael Bay throws everything at the screen and just hopes it will stick. The dialogue is written and spoken like a sound bit for the trailer, and I mean every single line, and yes the CGIs are amazing but its all directed with such franticness that you can't really work out what is actually happening. This is accompanied by the soundtrack being full blast, so you shudder in your seat at every explosion.
The film will be a hit because teenage boys, fan boys and those who are clinging onto their childhood will rush out to see it, but like Terminator: Salvation a few weeks ago, this is truly empty-headed stuff and without any heart, it is completely soulless. Plus it has given me one hell of a headache.
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